I used to spend so much time in my head I’m surprised I got anything done. My mind was like a whirring dervish - spinning and spinning from dusk until dawn.
She had great power over me.
From the minute she woke, she was begging me to distract her, to reach for my phone to check my emails, have a quick glance around Facebook and instagram.
She created worries constantly, things that could go wrong, things that have gone wrong, things that I'd forgotten about. She loved to stir me up, making me reconsider every decision I made, or forgot to make!
She still tries to command my every waking hour, drawing my attention to things that then attempting to consume huge chunks of my day. She wants to be the Boss and she’s not shy at forcing herself to my list of priorities.
My mind loves to be so right that she worries about being perfect. For years she has tried to stop me from doing things that I love in case I wasn't not perfect too. She confused me on a daily basis, clouding my judgement with fear, concerning me with things that I should have let go of.
She's not alone, most minds work like this - a complex computer which holds tonnes of information, she's under pressure and it's no wonder she got a bit fraught at times.
Despite having a very close companion to help her, my soul, my mind wanted to take control of everything, not just what I did and how I felt but those around me too - she made it her business to try and make sure everyone in our home was happy, content, doing what she thought was best for them.
My mind is a busy body.
She loves to be kept busy and has so much energy! She likes distraction, to read, see, hear, to absorb stuff. But I have to watch her because she's not always the most positive advisor - she can get a bit bogged down with things. She’s not always the best at letting go either, she holds a grudge if you let her! I often forget that she's super powerful - we don't really use our minds to their full potential.
Her companion, my soul, is far quieter. But she’s not a push over. She knows when it’s time to step in. Unfortunately she usually gives my mind far too many opportunities to take over so by the time my soul steps in, the situation has got quite uncomfortable. She calls it her 'soul pushing' pain... she lets the situation get tough so I start to dig deeper for answers and as soon as I get deep, up she pops.
One day, many years ago, I was experiencing this pain. And I dug. Deep.
I realised I was battling with my mind. Daily.
And I needed someone to control her.
And it hit me. I AM NOT MY MIND.
And the day I realised that I AM NOT MY MIND was a very good day.
Then I realised, I AM NOT MY BODY.
Making it an even better day.
But when I came to the conclusion that I AM MY SOUL.
But my soul is not like my mind.
She's so quiet, so at the beginning, I could barely hear her. I had to learn to quieten my mind and my surroundings before I could get a good link to her. Nowadays I find it easy (practice makes perfect and beliving is seeing) but years ago it was pretty hard to recognise her voice. She may be quiet but when I did hear her, wow, I realised she could change my life - making sense of things that my mind struggled with for years.
My soul is my friend, my ally, my supporter, my cheerleader, my cousel: she knows everything, but because she’s quiet, she doesn’t force it upon me. She knows that I have to figure out things for myself. She doesn’t like to give me everything up front otherwise, she says, I’d never really learn anything.
I’d be full of knowledge but lacking in experience.
I forget how wonderful it is to spend time with my soul. She loves the simple things like music, peace and quiet, nature, energy sharing, healing, anything calm, soothing and gentle. But when I do, wow - it means more to me than anything my mind can conjure up.
But like my human friends, she needs time alone with me, for me to really get to know her. Of course she’s just me, but my non-human side, she’s the whispering spirit which gently ebbs and flows inside my human shell.
She knows everything about me, my loves, my purpose, my passion, my fears, my hopes and dreams. She has been with me for many lifetimes and she’ll stay with me for many more. When my human-shell is gone, and my mind is laid to rest, she’ll stay with me, for I am her and she is me.
I think I’ll spend more time with my soul.
"Never Fear Dying. Fear Never LIVING" - Lucy Day